the placid sojourner: jimjim875

Restoring my Faith

2007-03-27T15:00:00.000+08:00

Sinful I was, Sinful I may, Sinful as I may ever be
God's mercy has touched my heart, nothing can ever separate it from me.

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He was pierced for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities,
By His wounds, we are healed.

Hayyy, I miss my digicam

2006-12-03T05:51:00.000+08:00

.. na pinaayos ko nung September pa. Sana puwede ko pa siyang makuha, kasi I feel like hell talaga trying to see how I can document things properly and posting them here in my site.

Please donate PhP2,500. Hahahaa!!!

colossians 3.23

Inebriate me, Holy Spirit

2006-11-30T16:18:00.000+08:00

Holy Spirit, Holy Fire
Witness my yearning
To be filled with Your unending Presence
To be influenced by Your Warmth
I do not desire for the Comforts of Life
If I were to stray from You
Your Embrace makes me want to suffer
If it were for the will of God
Let the snares of the world turn away from me
Let the spirit of purity be all within me
Let the elixir that is Your Holy Presence stay within me
Never let me falter, oh God, never let me go
Let me desire for the Love that You give
Let me be drunk of that joy you bring
Drunk of Your Spirit and not of what is in the world
That makes men lose focus and state of mind
Let not our urges be our source of impulse
Let not our minds be filled with filth
Let my mind be your sanctuary
Let my soul be your Temple
Let my whole being be your Dwelling Place
Let not this Temple be defiled of any way
Just as Agnes was protected from the evil of her day
When her hair had shielded her from impurity's way
Just as Philomena, her virginity spared
When the arrows of hate have failed to strike her purest being
Just as Dominic, when he chose the thorns
To envelop his body instead of sensuous urges
I want to be pure Lord
Spare me of anything that will make me impure
Eliminate anything that will stray me away from you
Smite the spirits that will make my friends and loved ones
Influence me to abandon this calling
To remain ever pure and ever chaste
To remain as Your temple, ever strong, ever praising you.

Gloria Patri, et Filii et Spiritui Sancti,
Sicut erat in principio
In nunc,
Et in Semper,
Et in Saecula
Saecolorum.
Amen.

My Mother, I would rather be inebriated of the Spirit than of this world. Please, let it be so!
My model, Philomena, inspire me to be chaste! Please pray that I would be eliminated of anything that would undermine my vow to follow Christ!
My inspiration, Josemaria, help me to live the way of Christ as you did!

New location

2006-04-05T19:52:00.000+08:00

The Placid Sojourner has moved to:

http://jimjim875.wordpress.com

Kita kits tayo dun! God bless you all!!!

Matagal na nga akong di nag-update but...

2005-11-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

Pictures speak louder than words. And truly sometimes, no words can express one's excitement for something that happened to that person. Kaya naman, naisipan ko na lang na i-one time big time ang mga updates ko sa pictures (click on photos sa toolbar. I have uploaded three collections: one is filled with pictures na kinuha ko noong sembreak with my cousin's digital camera. The other's from my sister's elementary school graduation... and finally, the collection na talagang natuwa ako, sobra, to the max and to the highest level, the 23rd SOUTHEAST ASIAN GAMES! (teka, anong games to?)

Click away!

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Lord, talagang sobrang thank you po, kahit ang dami ko pong kasablayan, gumawa pa Kayo po ng paraan paran mamaximize ko ang gamit ng digicam na binigay Niyo samin... Thank you po talaga. In Jesus' name through the Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena, Amen.

I Give My All

2005-10-05T20:31:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a while since I last posted... And it seems that "quite a while" is an understatement.

For the past four months I led a very hectic lifestyle, doubling as a student and a member of my Christian org, CFC Youth for Christ. While it is true that the lifestyle I led for the past four months was quite busy, the time I spent on my being in class and serving the Lord through YFC was more than worthwhile.

For the past four months, I had many triumphs and failures. Somehow I really went through a lot of things, flunking many times over while being so much insecure with the fact that many of my classmates in INTARMED (I'm really venting this out now) seem to pass with flying colors with minimal effort, while this student already loses sleep and meals just to study but he only gets some points higher than passing, if not flunking. I also dealt with problems about my lowering self-esteem, because of the fact that many of my classmates, (oops, sorry, but you know that I love you all, it's just that...) they get disappointed at a grade that I am so much satisfied with. Whenever I receive my test paper and look at my score, which is usually passing, I just feel joyful. I passed. But I really feel stupid when some know-it-all would vent out that he got a score even higher than what I got, and he is utterly unsatisfied, even going so far as to say that he is a moron, a loser. Then what becomes of me, I who got even lower grades than you did?

Sorry if you would think that I am quite grade-conscious, because for as long as I can remember I was raised as a grade-conscious student. I was really critical of the scores I got, especially since my parents were really critical of our academic performance. I really wanted to show to my folks back home that after living up to their standards through elementary and secondary school, I still had that spirit of excellence. But, with the grades I get recently, it seems that it has left me. Just this morning I sat through an exam, having no idea how to answer thirty questions. That seems enough to seal my fate with regard to that exam: I will flunk AGAIN.

Right now I am coping with this feeling, this lack of self-worth that I am suffering with. Yes, I've heard Desiderata and what it says about comparing one's performance with others': "Do not compare with others, you will only end up bitter, for always, there will be greater and lesser people than yourself". But somehow I have so many things to learn. My faith in my Lord and Saviour, I know, would help me get through this. For I know, that this is a test, of faith and endurance, and whether I believe in my Lord or not, if I really trust in Him and offer my LIFE to Him.

No matter how I seem to do bad with all of my aspects of my life, Lord, I will still give my all, for it is in offering all my failures and depressions that these become successes, these become the sources of my happiness. I give my All LORD.

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Bless my life
Take away the shame
Allow me to experience
Your most Amazing Grace
Fill my heart
It's empty and frail
Make me whole again LORD
Mend my broken soul

I offer my life to you LORD
with all my strength I worship You

And I give my all
Take me as I am
I am Yours O GOD
Lead me to your arms
And I give you praise
I rejoice in You
Till the end of my days I give my all

You gave your all
Unworthy as I am
You have died for me Lord
And now I am free
You're the only reason
Why my heart leaps for joy
I give You back the glory
Lord mold me and use me

I offer my life to you LORD
with all my strength I worship You

And I give my all
Take me as I am
I am Yours O GOD
Lead me to your arms
And I give you praise
I rejoice in You
Till the end of my days I give my all
To YOU

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Take and receive O Lord my liberty
Take all my will, my mind, my memory,
All that I am and have, you have given me
And I surrender them to you, to be disposed of
In accordance with Your Holy Will
Give me Your Love and Grace
And with these
I am rich enough
and desire nothing more.
In Jesus' name, through my Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena.
Amen.

Living in a Dormitory (Part 2)

2005-05-31T21:00:00.000+08:00

I was told that in the dormitory I was about to live in, I would be sharing the same house with five other people. My landlady assured me that everyone in that five would be nice, studious and quiet, since she doesn't fail in repeatingly telling me that all of us are med students, more willing to engage in academic affairs than other boy stuff that other men of their age do. With this thought imprinted in my mind, I proceeded in getting to know each of them and looking at the ways how I might get along well with them.

I first visited the dormitory with my whole family the 30th of April last year, a bit excited since I am about to face college life, while still uncertain, as the personalities of these 5 persons I am to live with for the next two semesters were still shrouded in mystery. The landlady greeted us with much enthusiasm, my mind so far away from speculating that she might be that happy because of another customer coming her way. Instead I thought of her to be so much caring and generous, looking for others who would benefit from her benevolence.

Kuya John

It happened that on that visit, one of the five were there. It was Kuya John (names changed from thereon), incoming integrated clinical clerk. With him was his father who just arrived from the airport. I found out that his father was also from Pangasinan, but their family chose to settle in Aklan, famed for its Ati-Atihan Festival (Hmmm... I forgot asking him whether he go to join one of its events even once in his life).

He went on to chat with my parents and tell stories about INTARMED life. He told them how hard it is for obsessive-compulsive people to be satisfied in INTARMED--disappointments about grades and about one's performance in class would just be too many, as I remember him saying. I was a bit startled when he proceeded asking me whether I am a math whiz, considering that of all the subjects I knew I wasn't able to do my best, it was Math. (Trivia: Another is Economics. I thanked the Lord so much I won't be taking Econ 11 that semester.)

He demonstrated his skill before us by taking the blood pressure of my parents. He saw that my mom's was just fine, but he was a bit surprised when he read my dad's. It was way too high. That would have been an impetus for us to intensify our campaign against Dad's uncontrollable smoking, but he just chose to believe that maybe he was just tired that day.

My first impression of Kuya John was his ability to tell other people what he feels and what he thinks right away, plain and simple. He exuded such intelligence and refinement that I immediately imagined myself whether I would be somewhat like him 4 years after or not.

We coexisted quite harmoniously, with chats from time to time about updates concerning the INTARMED curriculum and about the programs of the Medicine Student Council. What I really liked the most from him was his extreme generosity--he would unhesitantly lend me books and other stuff that I really need and that I know he knows I would need. After all, he was an INTARMED student himself, and someone from the province at that, who braved through the difficulties of adjusting to the hardships that med school has to bring. With each problem I encountered during my first year in INTARMED, I asked for his advice, and with wit and laughter he would just tell me how he went through those problems himself, passing them off as problems paling in comparison to that of problems with relationships, and all those emotional stuff. He told me he did not aim for any honorific scholarship during his INTARMED years, instead he chose to enjoy the curriculum and live the INTARMED life as untoxic as it can be.

Kuya John told me that med school is not much of a thing to dread but something to live with, to enjoy. I guess, with six years of INTARMED coming up, his advice would have not come in a better timing.

Kuya Benedict

I moved in last May 31, and as I was placing my things on the table the landlady gave me, another of the five that I would live with for the next two semesters was there. Let's just call him Kuya Benedict, incoming second year medicine proper, whom I believe to be the most silent of the five I have met. For the first weeks of my stay it was him with whom I failed to have what we might consider to be a complete and sound conversation, maybe because I did not have something in common with him to talk about. I only vaguely remember a brief conversation I had with him, that of discussing movies like "The Day After Tomorrow". At least, I can console myself with the fact that I had a conversation with him, no matter how brief that may be. We coexisted without having major rifts, but I was thinking maybe I could have been a more sociable dormmate by carrying on conversations with him from time to time. It's just that I find difficulty relating to him because, maybe, we have different likes or dislikes, or maybe, he must be too busy. Or maybe, one would attribute this to the fact that he is Visayan and I'm Ilocano, as common folk surmise that among all regional groups, the Ilocano and the Visayan get along the hardest. Personally however I would disagree, since I have many Visayan friends in class and in college. Nonetheless, I would just choose to think that maybe I'm the aloof one just waiting for a chance to be approached or just thinking about a topic to discuss.

Kuya Benedict however, as I discovered later on, had many things in common with me. He liked playing strategy games, games similar to the Red Alert or Battle Realms type that I loved playing with when I was in high school, but different nonetheless. There's still the incapability to relate, as I didn't play the games he played, like Rome or Star Trek. He liked watching CSI, Smallville and Friends, shows in which I am still trying to catch up, particularly Smallville. Thanks to Mark, Marianne, and Jenny, I at least managed to know who was Clark, Lana, Chloe and Lex Luthor and what happened after the last episode of the first season, when Lana's car gets sucked in by a gigantic twister, and Clark ******!!!

Somehow I do sense humor in him no matter how silent he seems to be. From that time I tried to chase that pesky cockroach and resulted to jumping just to subdue it with my immense weight, to this very minute wherein he jokes and flatters his girlfriend on his cellphone in his native tongue, his humor really shows, and this is quite enough to convince me that he is not the overly-silent type that I have known him to be. I just thought and wondered how come I didn't feel any of the humor he is supposed to be showing if he were the humorous person I apparently see. Maybe because he, in all his shyness or aloofness perhaps, he did not care socializing with me. No no, that would be selfish of me to think that way.

I would just choose to think that maybe I did not choose to socialize with him, for I knew all along that as a newcomer, I have this obligation to reach out and know the people around me better. Tsk tsk tsk, I have a lot to learn. And, I have him I guess, to thank for knowing that.

**To be continued**

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Lord Jesus Christ, I have so much to learn about getting along with other people. Help me to deal with problems that I face concerning my social life. This I pray through your Blessed Mother and your servant Saint Philomena, Amen.

Living in a Dormitory (Part 1)

2005-05-23T17:21:00.000+08:00

I still remember during my early childhood days our weekend visits to UP Diliman in order to fetch my mother who studied for her masteral in Education from UP College of Education. The serene surroundings and the cool air were enough to inspire me to do good in my studies and aspire to become a future UP student. I always loved those visits.

But not long after that, after living for about 8 years in Marikina City my father decided to move our family to my grandma's hometown in Pangasinan, my mother so bewildered as to what would be our fate in the province. She was very afraid with the notion that education in the province is not of high quality, so much that she feared that none of us would be able to get into some prestigious university as we enter college. (She made it sure that all of us would study in good schools, and because of this I ws enrolled in Marist School, my younger sister in St. Scholastica's Academy, Marikina.) Good thing Mom's preconceived notions were proved wrong, as I realized that studying in the province is not that bad after all. In fact it was in the province that I was able to gain my self confidence as I was able to join many competitions that boosted my self esteem and improved whatever talents the Lord gave me.

However through all of those years that we lived and I studied in the province, my heart was beating for the serenity and quiet of the UP campus in Diliman, so much that I really tried hard to excel in everything I did in order to pass the UPCAT. Not only was the atmosphere in Diliman a motivating factor, it was also the fact that after 9 years I would live again in Marikina, in our own house, alone and drifting away from society in the name of nerdoxity. During my high school days, when from time to time my mind shifted to thinking about my future as a college student, I always pictured myself living alone, all of my books around me, reminding me constantly of my ambition way back then to specialize in Computer Science.

I never imagined living in a dormitory, since I really hated a noisy atmosphere and I really hated other people aside from your family being aware that you prefer exuding nerdiness and reading books instead of doing what usually sane college students do: play basketball, chat about things (and girls...), and discussing about the latest gizmo out in the market. I took the UPCAT almost two years ago aspiring to pass it and enter UP Diliman. I really wanted to spend the next four years of my college life living alone in Marikina, away from what I preconceived to be the noisy and cluttered living places they call dormitories.

God may have had other plans then, for little did I expect that I wouldn't just pass UPCAT, I would even manage to go so far as to enter the INTARMED program (I am not playing humble or anything, I even feared the prospect of failing, given that I was thinking I left out a few items blank). The reality of living in a dormitory stared at me in the face, and while being in that situation, I was torn between feeling so wildly happy, because only a chosen few would be able to enter the INTARMED program and this apparently incompetent guy who finished high school in the province would be one of that chosen few, and feeling a bit disappointed, since I had to say goodbye to scenic UP Diliman, and say hello to UP Manila, a campus so much deep within the urban jungle of Manila, where during the start of every school day a breeze of air coming from the Bay gets mixed with the pollution of Taft Avenue and Padre Faura. In addition, what I was a bit sad about is the reality that I have to live in a dormitory, for it would be grossly impractical to picture myself living in Marikina now that I have been admitted to UP Manila.

During the latter part of April 2004 my father searched for the perfect place to stay and study. He pinpointed a nice dormitory within the bar district of Malate, and I am not saying that the dormitory is nice because it is near the bars and the gimmick places Malate is known for. I considered the dorm very nice since it was a big 2-storey house being shared by six, and the best part is, the first floor is exclusive for the dormers' study tables, and the second floor for the beds. Above all I was thrilled since all of my potential dormmates were also Med students like I was to be. I pictured myself asking for advice or tips on how to survive INTARMED, and this convenience was enough to make me change my image of dormitories. I presumed that the dorm I was to occupy won't be anything like noisy and cluttered places I knew of before, for after all, all of us would be exuding, living and breathing nerdiness 24 hours a day.

And so, on May 31, I formally started a year of living in the dormitory, discovering what kind of life dormitory life has to bring, and above all, what kind of persons my potential dormmates were.

***To be continued***

Lord Jesus Christ, thank you for giving me the chance to enter INTARMED. Help me to survive and make it. In Jesus, through the Blessed Virgin and Saint Philomena, AMEN.

Kalaliman at Pagpapakatotoo

2005-05-07T16:13:00.000+08:00

Kapag napupunta ako sa ibang mga blog at sa Peyups, parang palagi kong napapansing mukhang mas "mature" silang magsulat. Hindi ko maiwasang maikumpara ang aking sarili sa kanila, matapos kong basahin ang mga kuwento nila na kung hindi man ubod ng lalim ay parang medyo may mga halong adult themes (hindi naman lahat). Pinipilit kong tingnan kung paano ba talaga dapat magsulat ang isang taong edad-kolehiyo, kung ano talaga ang kanyang isusulat at kung magpapakatotoo ba ako sa aking pagsusulat--pagpapakatotoo sa tipong ang dahilan mo ng pagsusulat ay para makapamahayag ka ng iyong nararamdaman, at hindi lang dahil gusto mong may magpunta sa blog mo...

Pagpapakatotoo sa tipong maisulat mo ang tungkol sa pagmamahal mo sa Banal na Santa Maria Birhen o sa kung anumang bagay na parang wala sa uso ngayon, nang hindi iniisip kung mababaduyan ang mga magbabasa sa blog mo... kung mayroon man... sa lagay na yan.

Pagpapakatotoo sa tipong maipakita mo ang totoo mong saloobin at makapagsulat nang taos sa iyong puso at hindi umaasang may darating sa blog at magkokomento... "Cool artik! Astig pre" o di kaya "aydol! Ayos sa artik!"

Sa totoo lang, naisipan kong magsimula ng blog sapagkat ginusto ko ring kahit papaano'y magkaroon ng sariling mundo na kung saan maipaparamdam ko sa mundo ang aking mga hinaing, ang aking mga hinanakit, ang aking mga paghihinayang, nang walang pakundangan sa sasabihin ng iba. Ngunit, aaminin ko rin na noon pa mang hayskul ako, hanggang ngayon... kaunti lang ang mga nagiging matalik kong kaibigan. Naroon ang kagustuhang matanggap ka, ang kagustuhang makita mo sa ibang tao ang kanilang pagbibigay-papuri at pahalaga sa iyo. Kaya hindi mo pa rin maiiwasang gumawa ng paraang matanggap ka ng ibang tao kahit man lang sa mundo ng mga blog.

Kahit labag sa talagang kagustuhan ng iyong loob, pupunta ka sa isang website tulad ng Peyups at piliting alamin ang talagang gustong mga topic ng mga mambabasa. Kahit na labag sa loob mong magsulat ng, halimbawa, tungkol sa s*x o sa mga pelikula, dahil naroon din ang kagustuhang mapansin, makilala, mapatanyag, pipilitin mong magustuhan ang pagtatalakay ng mga bagay na ito. Oo, hindi mo talaga matututunang magustuhan ang mga ito ng buong puso... pero dahil sa tingin mo ito ang kanilang gusto, ito ang magpaparami ng mga mambabasa sa iyo, ito ang magpaparami ng mga friends mo sa blogger world... OK lang yan. Magsulat. Magsulat nang hindi hiyang sa tunay mong pagkatao upang maipakita na cool ka. Astig kang magsulat.

Pero andyan pa rin ang pag-aalinlangang sundin ang gusto ng nakararami. Nandyan pa rin ang kagustuhang magsulat para lamang sa ikaliligaya nito sa iyo, hindi upang makalikom ng mas maraming mambabasa. Nandyan ang kagustuhang mailabas mo nang buung-buo ang iyong pagkatao, gaano man ito kataliwas sa laganap na uso ng personalidad, na pinipilit taglayin ng nakararami. Nandyan ang kagustuhang magpakatotoo, ang maging tunay, ang maging tapat sa sariling personalidad.

Naalala ko ang una kong pagbasa ng mga artik ng isang blog na madalas kong basahin, ang kay Jason ... at inakala kong dahil sa taglay na adult themes ng kanyang ibang mga artik, naisip ko, siguro, ang tanda na niya. Kinukumpara ko ang aking pagsusulat sa kanya, at sa iba pang mga bloggers, at parang nasasabi ko sa sarili kong... parang napakaimmature ko naman. Immature pero mapapansin ko sa huli na mas matanda pa pala ako sa kanya ng anim na buwan. Siguro kaya ko naman naiisip na immature ako dahil ang karamihan ng mga blogs na nababasa ko ay handa anumang oras na magtalakay ukol sa s*x at iba pang mga bagay na maituturing na makamundo, at naituturing ko ang mga blog na ito na mature... dahil ang mga ito ay laganap.

Oo, parang naiisip ko talaga... Napakaimmature ko naman. Bawat post ko, may dasal sa katapusang animo'y batang nagdadasal nang taimtim bago matulog. Bawat post parang sumusubok na magpakalalim, ngunit hindi naman makatapat sa kalalimang taglay ng mga iniidolong manunulat, kagaya ni Jessica Zafra... kalalimang may taglay na kaunting katatawanan... Bawat post, sumusubok na magpakalinis. Naiisip kong napakakawawa ko naman, nagpupumilit magpakalalim sa kanyang pagsusulat, ngunit sa katotohana'y ubod naman ng babaw.

Naisip ko lang... siguro, kahit legal na ako ngayong araw na ito... marami pa akong dapat matutunan. At siguro, magbabago pa ang pagtingin ko sa buhay, na sa balang araw ang magiging totoo kong sarili ay isang sariling mas malalim mag-isip, mas maunlad ang saklaw ng pag-unawa, mas pinaigting ang pagbibigay pansin sa mga bagay-bagay na nagaganap sa mundong ibabaw.

Ngunit, ang kaya ko pa lang na gawin siguro sa ngayon ay magpakatotoo. Siguro naman, may awa ang Diyos, ang kalaliman sa pag-iisip at pagsusulat ay darating na lang.{}

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Panginoon, hindi po ako nahihiyang magdasal pagkatapos ang bawat post ko. Hindi po ako nahihiya, ngunit ipagmamalaki ko ito. sapagkat alam ko na sa pagtitiwala sa inyo at pagsandal sa Inyong taglay na kalakasan, mas nagiging malakas ako, mas nagiging malalim ang pananaw, mas nagiging taimtim ang adhikain sa buhay. Salamat po Panginoon sa isa na namang taong ibinigay Niyo po sa akin. Disi-ocho na po ako. Salamat po.
Sa pamamagitan ng aming Inang si Santa Maria Birhen at kay Santa Filomena, mga malalapit sa aking puso. Amen.

Antipara*

2005-04-30T09:45:00.000+08:00

Nakahiligan kong manood noong bata ako ng mga palabas sa TV na tungkol sa mga henyo't ubod ng talinong mga bata na walang ginawa sa buhay kundi mag-aral at magbasa. Sa bawat panahong binibilhan ako ng nanay ng Archie comics, agad akong matutuwa kapag kasama sa istorya si Dilton, isang karakter doon na super exag ang kanyang talino. Nakita ko sa panonood at pagbabasa ng mga tungkol sa mga super genius na lahat sila nakasalamin. Kaya isa sa mga naging kagustuhan ko noong bata ako ay ang magkaroon ng salamin.

Hindi nagbago ang kagustuhan kong iyon kahit nang pumasok na ako sa exclusive school noong prep. May kaklase akong hindi ko pa makalimutan ang pangalan, at siya ay nakasalamin, suot-suot ang lenteng ubod ng kapal. Medyo kinainggitan ko siya dahil parang ang astig ng itsura. Para kasi sa akin noon, salamin=henyo. Henyo=matalino. Henyo=Taong hindi na tutuksuhin ng mga tao sa paligid dahil nga, diba, ang galing. Parang maoovercompensate ng katalinuhan ang iba pang kapintasan. Well, ito ang naging takbo ng isip ko dahil noong elementarya, palagi akong pinipintasan, pinagtatawanan, inaasar. Weird daw ako kumilos noong maliit pa ako. Siyempre, dahil ayoko namang magmukhang katawa-tawa sa lahat ng tao, hindi ko ginusto ang mga pang-aasar nila... Iyakin ako noon at lampa kaya hindi pumasok sa isip kong makipagduwelo, umiyak na lang ako sa isang tabi, dahil ayokong makick-out sa eskuwelahan. Catholic school kasi po iyon. Ilang beses na nga pumunta ang nanay ko sa eskuwela para lang mapigil na ang mga pang-aasar sa akin. Lumaki naman akong guwapo at maganda ang mukha, kaya naman talagang naiisip ko lang... maiinggit sila sa akin pag makikita nila ako ngayon. Sinong werid kumilos ngayon?

Siyempre, biro po iyong parteng sinabi kong guwapo ako. Nag-iilusyon lang. At, kay inam. Nag-iba ang takbo ng kwento ko. Pero, totoo, isang rason din ang mga pang-aasar nila sa akin kaya ko ginustong magkasalamin. At ayun, dahil nga naisip ko na pag naging henyo ako, mawawala na ang mga namimintas sa akin, at dahil inisip ko na ang isang paraan upang maging henyo ay magsuot ng salamin, ginusto ko talaga ang magkasalamin. Kaya noong panahon na iyon (1993-1994), habang nanonood ng isang show sa ABS tungkol sa isang batang henyo na nakalimutan ko na ang title, habang pinanonood ang eksenang binoblog niya ang kanyang mga kasawian sa buhay (di pa uso ang net noon, pero may diary siya sa computer, na parang blog na rin diba?), iniisip ko... balang araw, magiging henyo ako. May salamin. Alam ang lahat ng mga bagay. Nerrrrdo. Macho. Guwapito. Perpekto, at maganda ang hubog ng katawan at isipan. Medyo nakakainspire din kasi yung mga matatalinong taong maganda rin ang kundisyon ng pangangatawan. Pero naisip ko, sa kamatsohan na lang ng isipan ako papasa, at hindi kasi ako mahilig sa isports. Dahil nga weirdo ako noong bata, ayaw nila akong kalaro sa basketball. Salingpusa lang, na di pinapasahan ng bola o kung anuman. Kaya ngayo't 5'11'' ako, sinasabi nila sa akin sayang daw height ko dahil di daw ako nagbabasketball. Siyempre sasabihin ko, "Anong sayang?"

Tsk tsk tsk. Nag-iba na naman ang takbo ng kuwento ko.

Naging gayun na lamang ang aking kagustuhang magkasalamin na iniimagine ko ang itsura kong may salamin. Minsan kong sinubukang suotin ang antipara ni Tatay at Nanay, para makita kung bagay ko. "Ang guwapo ko talaga pag may salamin ako... dapat talaga magsalamin ako..." Pag nagdodrowing ako, ginuguhit ko ang sarili ko nang may nakasuot na salamin. Ganon na lamang ang aking obsesyon sa thought na magkasalamin.

Natuto na rin akong magbasa ng mga encyclopedia at mga dictionary, dahil na rin ayaw naman akong kalaro ng mga bata sa kalye. Kahit papaano pampalipas oras, at alam kong hindi ako magiging henyo pag hindi ako nagbabasa. Naging kasama ko ang mga librong What I Want to Know About, Grolier's Childrens' Encyclopedia, Encyclopedia of Science and Invention, at Colliers Encyclopedia sa mga panahong pinili ng aking mga ibang kapatid na maglaro ng patintero, piko o bahay-bahayan. Naging kasama ko sila, pagsikat at paglubog ng araw. Nahumaling ako sa kagandahang taglay ng mga nilalaman ng mga librong ito, kaya ganoon na lamang ang kagustuhan kong magbasa nang nakahiga. Naging madali rin akong mapagod noon, dahil kulang sa ehersisyo ng paglalaro sa labas. Kaya nanonood na rin ako ng TV at Betamax nang nakahiga. Ang resulta ay naramdaman ko noong Grade 5 ako. Naramdaman ko na lang na halos sa araw-araw ay nahihilo't nasusuka ako.

Naisip ng nanay ko na ipatingin ako kung may anemia ako at may problema na sa mata. Dalawang proseso ang nakahandang gawin sa akin sa araw na iyon, ang kunan ng dugo at tingnan ang mata. Inuna namin ang pagkuha sa dugo, na siya ko namang ikinainis nang kaunti dahil masakit at nakakatakot makita ang sariling dugo. Nalaman nilang kulang ako sa iron. Medyo nalungkot ako noong una kasi baka yun lang ang dahilan ng pagkahilo ko, at hindi dahil kailangan ko nang magsalamin. Natuwa ako nang kaunti nang sabihin ni Ma na patitingnan din ako sa ophtha. Natuwa ako. Kinasabikan kong suotin yung mga salaming isinusukat sa akin, at sa pagsasabi ng doktor na malabo na raw ang paningin ko. Ang weirdo talaga. Diba dapat ikainis mo pa ang pagkalabo ng iyong paningin? Pero, dahil nakita ko sa panahong iyon na magkakaroon na ng katuparan ang ninanais kong magkasalamin, tuwang-tuwa ako. Sa wakas, maihihilera ko na ang hitsura ko kina Dilton, kay Arthur the Bear, kay Kiminobu Kogure ng Slam Dunk, at sa lahat ng mga nakasalamin sa mundo.

Nang isinuot sa akin ang diagnostic frame para makita kung puwede yung lente na nilagay ng ophtha, natuwa pa ako lalo. Luminaw ang mga bagay-bagay sa paligid. Ngunit, di ko nalaman agad na ito ang magiging simula ng habambuhay na pagpapalit ng mga lente, pagmementena ng kalinisan ng salamin at pag-iingat sa frame nito upang di ito maputol sa aking pagdadagan nito sa pagtulog.

Sa ngayon, eto ako, nakasalamin parin, takot sa panibagong mga contact lenses dahil baka kailanganing operahan ako pag dumikit ito sa mata ko o pumunta sa loob ng utak ko, hindi kampante sa bawat umaga nang di ito suot, at higit sa lahat, iritado na sa katotohanang nakasalamin pa rin ako. Ang hirap pala magkaroon ng salamin. Kailangan mo pang gumastos ng hihigit-kukulang na PhP1000 para lang bumili ng salamin bawat taon. Kailangan mo pang ingatang wag magasgas ang salamin dahil kung hindi mas malala pa sa may katarata't glaucoma ang magiging tingin mo sa mundo. Kailangan mo pang siguraduhing dala mo ito palagi, lalo na sa kaso ko. Nearsighted pala ako, na may kaunting astigmatism sa left eye.

Kaya nga ngayon, sinasabi ko na sa mga kakilala kong gusto ring magmukhang henyo't magsalamin, mahirap magsalamin. Magastos, delikado, at dapat puno ka ng pag-iingat. Kaya, payong kapatid lang, alagaan ang mata, at mas importante, magpakatotoo ka. Hindi ganun-ganon lang ang magpakahenyo, hindi lang sa pagsusuot sa salamin, kundi pati rin sa kasipagan at talento... Pero, bakit ka pa nga ba magpapakahenyo diba? Parang, ano pa ba ang silbi nito? Bakit pa ba?

Naalala ko lang noong 3 years old ako. Pag susuutin ng nanay ko ang salamin niya, umiiyak ako sa takot. Parang pakiramdam ko kasi hindi na si Mommy ang kasama ko kundi isang istrangherang nakasalamin. Parang ganoon din ang nararamdaman ko sa sarili ko, animo'y nag-iiba ng anyo sa totoong ako, na parang pinipilit kong ikubli ang totoo kong sarili sa ilalim ng antipara, na ginusto kong magpakahenyo upang subukang talikuran ang isang mundo na kung saan ako'y parang nilayuan ng mga kaklase't batang kalye, pero, isa ring mundo kung saan maraming mga taong puwedeng pakisamahan at kaibiganin. Mga naisip ko rin ito bukod sa hirap pala na dulot ng pagsusuot ng salamin. Nakita ko sa sarili ko kung gaano pala ako kahipokrito at makasarili.

Kaya ngayon, pinipilit ko na kahit papaano, nakasalamin nga ako, pero hindi ko na ito ginagamit para kumbinsihin ang sarili na superyor ako't matalino't angat sa lahat, pero, upang palinawin ang paningin kong nasira dahil sa aking kapabayaan, at, upang gamitin ito para palinawin ang paningin ko sa mundong inilikha sa akin nang buong pagmamahal ng Poong Maykapal, isang mundong punung-puno ng pakikipagkaibigan at pagmamahalan sa isa't isa. {}

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*(Hiligaynon, as far as I know, for eyeglasses)

Sa mambabasa: Kung nababaduyan po kayo sa istilo kong magsulat... magsabi lang po... nageexplore po ako ng mga styles of writing eh. Abangan ang susunod sa style. hehe. Pero... ang entry-ending prayer ay di mawawala. Amen.

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Speaking of my dearest mother, birthday po niya kahapon. Siya ay *bleep* years old na. Kung mababasa po ninyo ito, nais ko po talagang iulit-ulit sa inyo. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo... to the infinite power. I love you Ma. I really miss you all. Kayo po talaga ang Ultimate Idol ko po... I love you so much... Ang hirap po talagang mawalay sa pamilya.

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At isa pa. Si Kuya Ronnie din. Birthday niya rin kahapon. Naalala ko rin kasi nga magkasabay sila ni Ma. 21 years na siyang nagpapalaganap ng pagkanerdo sa mundo... (FYI, siya po ang nakakuha ng mga pinakamataas na GWA noong INTARMED years niya. Aydol talaga. Nauno niya ang Chem 14, 31 at 40, pati Math 17, 100, 101!) Ang tanda niyo na! *mano po*

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At, April 29. Kapistahan ni Sta. Catalina de Sena (St. Catherine of Siena). Idol ko rin siya sa determinasyon niyang pagbatiin ang dalawang paksyon ng Simbahang Katoliko noong 14th century.

Ibang klase talaga ang April 29. Puro mga iniidolo ko ang may ispesyal na okasyon sa araw na iyon.

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Salamat po Panginoon. Gumawa po kayo ng paraan para makita ko ang kamalian ng pagkubli sa totoong ako. Tulungan Niyo pa po akong maipakita sa iba ang aking pagpapakatotoo. Sa pamamagitan ng aming Santa Birheng Ina at ni Santa Filomena. Amen.

Blogging Aside...

2005-04-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

Kung mapapansin po ninyo, pathetically benign ang aking blog for the past few weeks. Summer proved to be such a busy season for me, not only because of all the things I have to do (oooh I just love making myself think that I'm so preoccupied of many things, may pagkamasokista ako eh) but also because ngayong summer ako nakapagbakasyon grande ulit after so long!!!! Together with the family, and with our balikbayan uncle and cousin (Kuya Joel, na starring sa aking photogallery dito), naglibot kami sa Cagayan Valley at sa Banaue Rice Terraces!!!

Pasensya na po if I would not be continuing the Visita Iglesia Series, since medyo SOOOOBRANG obsolete nang magpost about Holy Week (we're now in the third week of Easter fyi) and I think I must post about something recent, something fresh.

One thing that I can always blog about this summer is the fact that... ANG INIT!!!! Kahit taga Pangasinan ako na sanay sa init, kakaiba this year! Matutunaw na ba ang Antarctica, maaapektuhan ang klima sa mundo, magkakasnow sa Pilipinas at magkakaroon ng American refugees sa Mexico? Tingnan natin.

One of these days, magpopost din ako about the new pope, Pope Benedict XVI. The apparent fulfillment of the prophecy about the 265th pope (his being "Gloria Olivae" or glory of the Olive, alluding to the name Benedict) scares me a bit since this signals that the end is near, at least according to St. Malachy, a medieval bishop of the Diocese of Armagh in Ireland, who was said to receive visions foreseeing the future of the Roman Catholic Church.

But for now, I still need to research stories to tell my tutee. Nagenlist pala po ako sa Pahinungod and, along with BS Bio and Nursing students under Profs. Esguerra, Mangubat and Aragon, we''l teach pupils studying in Aurora Quezon Elementary School.

Okay po... Gotta dash... I've got a story to print. At least I succeeded in blogging aside.

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Lord Jesus, help us. Help our Church and its new steward. Help all the people needing Your help and guidance. Fill us with Your love, as manifested by the Holy Spirit. In Jesus we pray, through our Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena. Amen.

Visita Iglesia 2005 (part 1)

2005-03-31T19:38:00.000+08:00

(Sensya po sa delay. Marami akong mga naging exam, pasensya na po. Pero at least and at last, masaya! Nakapagblog ulit ako!)

Matapos danasin ang walang kapantay na kasamaan ng aming mga propesor dahil sa mga exam na iyan, sa wakas... nakauwi rin ako noong Holy Tuesday! Isa talaga sa mga kasarapan ng buhay ang pag-uwi... pero... kasarapan nga ba? Ang medyo nakakabanas isipan ay ang fact na kelangan ko pa ring magreview for Calculus and Chem. Nakakainis diba? Feel na feel mo na ngang bakasyon pero, hayyy trabaho. Mas malala na raw pag med proper na ako... but hey, isang taon pa iyan.. Let's get to the bridge first before crossing it.

Anyway, part ng aming family tradition every Holy Week ay ang Visita Iglesia, kung saan usually, seven churches ang bibisitahin. Pero this year, may bagong naging pakulo. Masaya siya. Fourteen churches kami this year! Naisipan ng mga parents ko this year na para daw mas makarami kami ng simbahan, paisa-isang station of the cross na lang ang idasal namin sa bawat simbahan, na all-in all ay fourteen stations. Itoy para daw di kami gabihin. At masaya dahil mas maraming mapupuntahang simbahan. At ang aming ruta this year? Midwest Pangasinan, kung saan di pa ako nakakapunta talaga, nakadaan lang... Like Mangatarem, Aguilar or Bugallon. At dahil nga sa kalayuan ng mga bayang ito sa aking hometown (Villasis) di pa kami napupunta sa side na ito ng Pangasinan (nakakahiya po, pero kahit taga Pangasinan po ako, HINDI PA PO AKO NAKAKAPUNTA SA HUNDRED ISLANDS na nasa EXTREME WEST, sobrang extreme, sabi ng kapatid ko three hours daw ang biyahe. Would you believe it?). Kaya malaki rin ang Pangasinan kung tutuusin. Kaya lubos na lang akong nasiyahan na ang side na ito ng Pangasinan ang aming bibisitahin...

Dinaanan namin ang Western side ng Carmen (isang popular na intersection sa Rosales, ang unang bayang madadaanan mo sa Pangasinan pag papunta ka ng Baguio) at tinuluy-tuloy hanggang sa umikot kami sa may parteng Malasiqui. Masaya ang journey na ito dahil bukod sa mas marami ka nang mapupuntahan, kay ganda pa ng scenery. Sayang, wala pa rin akong digicam hanggang ngayon. At hindi ko rin naman napag-isipang magdala ng camera dahil naisip ko rin na ang Visita Iglesia ay para sa taimtimang pagdarasal, hindi para sa sight-seeing. Pero, hindi pa rin mapigilang mamangha sa kagandahan ng mga "taltalon" o bukirin, ng mga "bambantay" o bundok, sa napakagandang simoy ng hangin at bughaw ng langit.

Una naming naging destinasyon ay ang Parokya sa Sto. Tomas. Ang Sto. Tomas ang siyang pinakamaliit na bayan sa Pangasinan (sa pagkakaalam ko) dahil ilang kilometro lang sa pagdaan mo rito nasa Alcala ka na, ang susunod na bayan. Pero kahit maliit ang bayang ito, maituturing na maganda na ang kanilang simbahan. Halatang napondohan na ito ng mga kababayan nilang nakapagpunta na sa Amerika. Malinis ang kapaligiran. Naisipan ng mga kapatid ko na makipaghabulan sa akin, pero, sa kalampahan ba naman ng kuya nila? At ang nakakatuwa pa... ay kasama ko pa si Pareng Neil Campbell sa pagkakatawan ng kanyang kinathang... BIOLOGY 4th ed. Hehehe. Pumasok ako sa simbahan habang pinipilit na bigkasin nang maayos ang molecule na nabubuo sa kalagitnaan ng glycolytic pathway sa cell metabolism at siyang nagagamit for the rest of the pathway: GLYCERALDEHYDE PHOSPHATE. Oha?

Naging susunod na destinasyon namin ang Alcala. Kung inyong maalala, dito nanirahan ang famosong SARS victim na si Adela Catalon, at dahil sa kalapitan ng Alcala sa lugar namin, pag pumupunta ako ng Maynila noong panahon ng SARS scare (2002) parang nangangamba akong mandiri ang mga tao sa amin. Naalala ko nga iyong kinuwento ng mga brothers and sisters namin sa YFC noong umattend sila ng High School Summit sa Benguet State University Campus (Sis. Ira! Pumunta ka ba dun? Ako... hindi eh, kinuwento nga lang sa akin eh, sayang.). Pinandirihan daw sila implicitly ng mga ibang delegates. Kaya raw ng magworship na at "Freedom" na iyong song, kinanta nila..."SARS Free... SARS Free... SARS Free... SARS Free... We will walk in Your freedom, walk in Your liberty..." imbis na "I'm free." Wala lang. Naalala ko lang. Nakakatuwang isipin kasi eh. At isa pang trivia: Si Adela Catalon ay kinonfine sa VILLASIS POLYMEDIC HOSPITAL, right in my hometown. Although nakakatakot at first na malamang pumunta rin pala siya sa amin, I'm so proud of our doctors here. Napigilan nilang kumalat ang SARS sa Pangasinan.

Anyway, nawala na ako sa takbo ng storya. hehehe. Nang pagpunta na namin sa simbahan, nasalubong ko si Bro. Resley, bro namin sa YFC. Wala lang, antagal ko na kasing di sila nakikita, nakakamiss na rin. At di rin pala ako nag-iisa na nakakita ng mga bros. Pati sina Ma at Dad, nakakita rin ng mga kapatid nila sa Marriage Encounter na nagbibisita rin. Dito sa Alcala namin dinasal ang second station.

Sumunod naming station ay sa Bautista, kung saan naggraduate si Ngrkz ng high school. **Ang cute ng kakikita ko lang na daga. Wala lang.** Dito namin dinasal ang third station.

Bayambang naman ang aming sinunod na bisitahin, at kung inyong naalala ang inyong Philippine History (History 1), dito ang isa sa mga huling pinaghimpilan ni Emilio Aguinaldo ng kanyang Philippine Republic bago siya mahuli sa Palanan, Isabela noong March 23, 1901 (ngek). Ang ganda ng simbahan sa loob, at kahit walang electric fan, ang lamig ng pakiramdam sa loob. Siyanga pala. Dito ako nakakita ng kakaibang manlilimos: babaing nakacurls at nakalipstick pa. (?) Isa ang simbahan ng Bayambang sa mga pinakamatanda sa Pangasinan, kaya natutuwa ako pag pumupunta kami rito, bukod sa mga iba pang lumang simbahan sa Pangasinan. Para kasing nasa iba kang dimensiyon kapag nasa loob ka ng mga ito.

Sumunod naming bisitahin ang Camiling, Tarlac. Dahil malapit na ito sa Bayambang, naisipan ng Dad ko na lumabas naman sa probinsya. Maunlad ang Camiling, dahil na rin ito sa pagiging gateway niya to Western Pangasinan. Kaya umasa na lang kami na siguro, maganda ang simbahan. Nang nakita kong lumang simbahan ang kanilang parokya, natuwa ako. Pero paglapit namin, nalungkot na lang kami hindi lang dahil sa nasayangan kami't hindi kami makakapasok, kundi nalungkot rin ako para sa mga taga-Camiling. Nasunog kasi ang simbahan nila. Sa kanilang temporary relocated church kami pumunta, na ok din naman, pero, dahil nga temporary, mga tent ang silong ng mga upuan, at nakapaligid ang mga ito sa isang chapel na may mga grilles. Maganda rin ang ayos ng makeshift na simbahan sa loob, pero siguro, iba parin yung dati nilang simbahan, na sayang lamang, ay natupok ng apoy.

San Clemente, Tarlac ang sinunod naming tunguhin. Ang simbahan nila ay parang tipikal na estilo ng mga simbahang Protestante sa Amerika, may maliit na gate, paved na patio, may garden, at stairway na katamtaman ang liit. Puti ang kulay ng simbahan, hindi ang mga karaniwang beige, brick o marmol. Nagdasal kami rito ng sixth station.

Matapos ang halos trenta minutong paglalakbay, narating namin uli ang Pangasinan at dumating sa Mangatarem. Isa itong bulubunduking bayan na laging daraanan ng mga bus papuntang Bolinao at Alaminos. Pagpunta namin sa simbahan, natuwa ako na ito'y luma rin, pero, sa totoo lang, nahirapan akong magconcentrate sa pagdarasal at medyo naiingayan ako sa mga uni ng paniki na ginawa nang kuweba ang mga malalaking bintana ng simbahan. Nagandahan din ako sa effort nilang lagyan ng dome ang simbahan, pero, di pa rin siya tapos. Mas lalo nang gaganda ang simbahan pag tapos na. Nakakaexcite.

**Itutuloy next week.. Sorry po, mag-aaral pa po ako eh...**

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Thank you Lord Jesus for making this trip possible. Help me to be reminded that despite the magnificence of the churches we have dedicated to You, Your spirit not dwells solely in them, but in our hearts Lord God. Let our hearts be inflamed with Your presence in our hearts. Through Your Most Holy Name, and through your Blessed Mother's intercession and Saint Philomena's, Amen.

Life's Simple Pleasures (and Horrors)

2005-03-18T06:26:00.000+08:00

After a bit of practicing sa loob ng CR and choreographing my movements (siyempre dapat ipakita kong may passion), I set off to Padre Faura, praying that my preparation for the Extemporaneous Speech is enough. (what were you thinking? Kayo ha.)

But my tummy was killing me (no breakfast yet) and it seemingly screamed as it churned itself with acidic gastric juice (which its pH anyway is about 3.0, hehehe). Stumbling upon a still closed UP Med Canteen, I decided to buy breakfast in PGH instead. Two Tuna Sandwiches, a Banana and Bear Brand Sterilized (wow, I must get a fee from Nestle for promoting their product!) made up my breakfast for the day. After enjoying NatSci II (I love the way Ma'am Parungao teaches seemingly abstract concepts in a simple way), oh no. Comm III. and it was evident in the pervading aura that I sensed inside RH 302. Everyone felt stressed, everyone felt as though today would be the day wherein they would experience the longest six to eight minutes of their life.

A week before, our Professor made us choose three topics that we like most to talk about. Being a graduate of a public elementary school in Pangasinan, I really liked the idea of talking about how dilapidated the facilities in public schools are. And so, with the topic on my COMM II term paper (hehe para wala nang research, besides ang dami ko pang gagawin) and another topic about the other side of land reform (dehado kasi kaming landowners ng isang property dito sa amin because of one tenant who suddenly became so rich, Chedeng ang kanyang van!), I passed my potential topics list. Prof. Adeva chose the topic on educational facilities. I was thrilled.

Thanks to some practices on my speech I was able to explain my topic clearly (for the first few minutes, that is). Then, suddenly, I began screwing up! No... I stuttered so much telling people that "the problems in our public schools are something to be grumbled... grumbgrubgrumbling... grumbled about!" Then I panicked as I noticed that I was not yet through with the body of my speech when the prof raised the sign signifying that I have to wrap up. What resulted was a screwed-up ending. I should not have overemphasized the sorry conditions of public schools, but with the fact that the government does not seem to give a d**n about having ignorant youth. Seemingly, it is more concerned with producing good soldiers.

Listening to the speeches of others were a great relief, especially when Ibn talked about blogs. He began by enumerating some blogs of INTARMED people. I was so happy my blog was mentioned, Yes! Recognition! Somebody noticed this humble blog! He enjoined everyone to try blogging out, and suggested tabulas.

Wala lang. I consider Blogger better. (Pay me Google.)
Finally, I got this extempo over and done with. Ang saya talaga when you get to finish something.

One of Life's simple pleasures.

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Kanina, after the Comm III class, kailangan ko na namang harapin si Prof. Ilao. Chem 14 class. Matapos ang matinding pagbabalitaktakan sa mga topics for fourth dep, including titration and neutralization, sinabi niyang ang mga test papers for third dep ay nailabas na.

Medyo iba ang pakiramdam ko nang narinig ko siya kahapon na nagsabing "Ang tataas niyo nga eh!" Sabi ko, eto na ba ang aking pinakahihintay, ang pagkakataon upang sa wakas ay magkaroon ng tsansang magkaroon ng mataas na score sa Chem dep? Alam kong ginawa ko ang sa abot ng aking makakaya, kaya medyo nagdasal na lang ako. Sana ito na.

Nakita kong mabigyan ng test paper yung katabi ko. 102/110. Ang galing. Sabi ko, sana makalapit man lang sa nakuha niya. Buti siya, uno. Ako rin kaya?

Hindi yata naging maganda ang resulta ng eksamin. Ako'y nalungkot. 72/110. Ang layo.

Pero kahit na ganto, alam ko naman na nagdasal ako, at ito ang binigay sa akin. Thank you Lord. You are teaching me something, to focus on my studies at maging sobrang masipag. Nakakatempt man na magkaroon ng inferiority complex sa mga kaklase ko, pero, hindi puwede. Tama si Kuya Roni. Pag may inferiority complex ang isang tao, sayang ang galing, sayang ang talino.

Anyway, one of life's simple horrors, but one of life's best teachers too.

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Eto, wala lang. Kanina, habang nagmumukmok sa kinahinatnan ng aking nakuha sa Chem, pumunta ako sa CR. Biglang may mga pumasok na tao at parang nakita kong pamilyar sila.

Lumingon siya at nakita ko kung sino ang mga tao na pumasok. Si Kuya Jonray pala. Kasama pa niya yata yung mga ibang bloggers.

"Uy!"

Nakakatuwa lang pag nagkikita ako with bloggers. Maiisip mo na totoong buhay pala ang mga nagiging laman ng iyong computer screen pag nagboblog ka. Hehehe.

One of life's simple pleasures.

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Lord God, you made an exquisite mix of good and bad experiences. We may not like them all, but what is important is the fact that you are making them happen because you want to teach us things about friendship, about relationships, about love, about Life. Thank you Lord. Through the Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena. Amen.

Isang Nakagigimbal ngunit Nakasasabik na Araw

2005-03-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

"Speaker no. 4?"

Tingin sa kanan. Tingin sa Kaliwa. Tingin sa Harap.

"Good morning. Have you ever wondered... blubber blubber yada yada eklat eklat churva churva yada yada dribble dribble dribble... Thank you and God bless."

Nag-iimagine lang. Bukas na pala ang aking ekstempo sa Comm III at medyo sabik na. Pero ewan ko... sinubukan ko kasing mag practice kanina, parang ang sabog ko pa rin! Oh no... hindi ito puwede... Dapat I can make it... Panawagan po, please wish me luck...

Sa mga UP Manila peeps, ang aming prof pala ay ang sobrang magaling na si Ma'am Adeva. Siya lang naman ang chair ng Department of Arts and Communication.

Nagblog lang saglit. Magpapractice lang ulit.

"The government should not continue with the BUDGET CUT! It must do a BUDGET COPY or maybe, a BUDGET PASTE!"

Ang corny ko talaga.

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Lord Jesus Christ, please. Help me tomorrow. In Jesus' name, through the Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena, Amen.

Manila Bay Irony and the Fuss over Ligtas Buntis

2005-03-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

Bigla akong nagkaroon ng interest sa social matters. Hehe. The result of reading Bikoy's blog entries.

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Wala lang. Naaamuse ako dito sa nakita ko sa Philippine Star, March 13, issue, page 18.

May picture dito na ipinapakita si Mayor Atienza na finafire ang starting gun para sa pagsisimula ng isang dragon boat race for the Manila Bay Festival sa Roxas
Boulevard, Baywalk. Parang luminis ang Manila Bay ha.

Kaso, bumalik ako sa katotohanan. May katabi itong article na nagsasabing...

"DOH: Manila Bay not for swimming."

Hehehe. Kay ganda.

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Ligtas Buntis and What the Catechism Has to Say

Now that I have viewed the stand of a member of Pro-Life Philippines through its forums and now that I have weighed some evidences that Victor presented about overpopulation, somehow I have developed my own stand regarding the issue that concerns the implementation of the Ligtas Buntis program, a program by the Department of Health to make Filipino couples aware of contraception methods. It is not that I just want to be in (since a handful of web resources are also tackling on the subject and, dahil, HOT itong topic na ito!), I just discerned that somehow, I must be aware of all the things happening around me. Thanks to the toxicity of UP Manila, I did not even know that a novelty song called Chocolate existed and the station ID of ABS-CBN is not "Sabay Tayo Kapamilya" anymore.

Personally, I believe that artificial contraception is wrong and immoral since, if used during fertile periods of the female partner, its end is to avoid fertilization of egg and sperm from happening. This would of course result in the formation of a new human being. Within the context of Catholic doctrine, if sex is to be done by two married partners, the purpose of sex during fertile periods is conception, and since it is also an essential part of relationships, the Church gives couples the liberty of planning their family through NATURAL family planning. Kaya nga fertile yung female partner diba? Fecundity's purpose is procreation. (My sources now are from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the numbers you will see hereon correspond to the paragraph numbers therein.)

What seems to be wrong nowadays is the increasing hatred towards the Roman Catholic Church in its stand against artificial contraception. It may be true that some points put forward by various Catholic and other pro-life groups are indeed needing looking into (like the questionable stand of prolife groups about stopping all efforts of informing the public about family planning), but please... The Church is NOT AT ALL AGAINST FAMILY PLANNING per se. It is THE ARTIFICIAL MANNER BY WHICH THIS PLANNING IS DONE that the Church is tackling and is against with.

As far as I know, these are what the Church has to say about family planning. Take note that these are taken from the Catechism of the Catholic Church, as I mentioned earlier. (bold face mine)

"Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage. [...] So the Church, which is on the "side of life" teaches that it is necessary that each and every mariage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life. (2366)"
"[...] Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life, and to educate their children. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility. (2367) A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation
"[...]For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality. (2368)."
"Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile methods are in conformity with the objective criteria of morality. These methods [i.e. Rhythm method, Basal body temp, Billings method which detects fertility through secretions of the female partner] respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them and favor the education of an authentic freedom."
"In contrast, every accomplishment or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible is intrinsically evil . Thus, the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradicotry language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love [...] (2370)"

So, if the Church allows natural family planning using infertile methods (i.e. getting busy whenever the female partner is infertile, with the exception of coitus interruptus) then it would be better if the education that would be made by the Department of Health would be focused on how these Church-approved methods would be done. But why would the Church bother go against this information campaign when She can team up with the Department of Health and come up with a good information campaign about modern methods of NATURAL family planning? Another concern of the Church kasi is Her fear of promoting promiscuity among the people whenever this information is disseminated. The responsibility of educating the Filipino people to engage in sex only if the consequences are fully known and are understandable (like for the fact that sex leads to childbirth) is on the DOH, and fortunately, they are already working on it with their TV ad, but this effort must be intensified. But certainly an information campaign on NATURAL, CHURCH-APPROVED family planning methods must be carried out, since the fact that the Philippines already suffers the problems of overpopulation is staring at all of us in the face.

Therefore, the gist of what I have been trying to say: inform the people of family planning methods, but, ONLY NATURAL family planning methods. This must be done while educating the public on the consequences of sexual intercourse (i.e. it's not only pleasure, it's something coupled with responsibility).

Somehow, information must be disseminated to Filipinos who are still in the dark about the fact that sex leads to procreation (would you believe that 30% of Filipinos don't know that sex leads to childbirth, according to Newsflash? Cited by Victor) and somehow, there must be an effort to at least regulate the population growth of the country. And that effort must be started as soon as possible, before it's too late to brand each other as culprits.

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BIKOY: Bilib ako sa iyo talaga, nice going in the ProLife forums... I find that gentleman committing argumentum ad verecundiam and namecalling, without presenting points that would be worthy of coming across with yours. Hehe Philo 1. Galeeng. Hawig naman tayo sa stand na dapat the public must be informed, pero, I prefer informing the public of only natural family planning methods. Napaghahaltang medyo "tuta" ako ng simbahan. Well, I am and proud of it.
(Nakakatempt na magsabi ng masama about yung guy na nakalaban mo sa forums because of the way he replied to your (I believe) valid and accurate arguments... but then, Fr. Benny SJ reminded me to take everything bad that you see from others as something that you must avoid yourself and not as something that you use to insult that person... kaya... wag na lang...) ;P

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Lord God, please, help our country defeat its problems connected with the fact that we are an OVERPOPULATED nation. Let Your Pilgrim Church on earth be guided by the Holy Spirit and let its faithful know how it is to properly regulate procreation without going against the laws You handed down to us through the Magisterium of the Church. Help us, guide us and most of all... Forgive us. Through the Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena, Amen.

2 weeks na lang... o 2 weeks pa?

2005-03-13T15:23:00.000+08:00

Kung inyo pong mapapansin sa academic calendar ng UP, makikita po niyo na ang last day of classes ay Holy Tuesday. Tama po. Holy Tuesday. Medyo ang nakakainis e sana this friday na lang, pero, hindi.... Hindi puwede yun. Dahil, kung sa friday na, sana, subsob na ako sa kakaaral ngayon.

Iniisip ng aking inner child (concept na inintroduce sa akin ni Fr. Benny of PGH chapel, i.e. my hedonistic self) na 2 weeks na lang. Pero, hindi. Marami pang gagawin. 2 weeks. PA.

Kaya, wala akong magagawa. Sooner or later I have to disconnect and get bonded with my best friends, si Eugene, si Louis, si Neil at si Reginald **my inner self begs to disagree... yukkk best friends...**.

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Extremely excited din po ako for the coming week since, as part of Comm III, we would be interviewing either Noel Cabangon or Gary Granada... IDOL!!!! For many years I have tried composing songs, and sana, I may be able to get some tips and ideas from them. I really miss composing songs... One of these days I would post some of them here.

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Wala lang... Naalala ko lang almost a year ago when I wrote this article. It has never been posted in any site. Nakaimbak lang sa computer. It was written during the time that I least expected being in IMED... nakakagulat naman kasi eh. How would someone from a humble Catholic high school in Pangasinan be considered in such a prestigious (yet nerve-wracking) course program?

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Too Good to be True

The February sun was exuding its warm rays over the whole landscape of rustic Pangasinan and the surroundings were already engulfed in a bright shimmering hue, and yet I did not have the time to marvel at this sight outside. I was deep in studying for our high-school finals. It was then two days before I was to take the last set of exams under the fold of my high school.
That February day was especially strange.
Somehow a different kind of feeling surged in my system, some feeling that made me check over the results of the UPCAT. Sure, I was aware that God made me pass UPCAT, but I was feeling a bit eccentric. My feelings came into a culmination when after browsing through my WAP device; I saw my name with some peculiar cross affixed to it. I am not yet dead, I thought, since why would they put a cross before my surname?
Then I scrolled down and I saw the unimaginable. Me, an INTARMED candidate? I did not think it was true, I even pondered it was too good to be true. Me, who failed entering PSHS and studied in a public school? I never thought it was possible.

"Computer Science or Molecular Biology?"
My mind was especially boggled the day I received my UPCAT form. I was very much confused; my thoughts very much divided with the aspiration of pursuing either a career path in computers or in laboratory experimentation work. All along the aspiration to become successful in the future was there, but I did not know the way to choose that would lead me to it.
After finally choosing Computer Science, thinking that a career in computers would easily land me a job abroad (sorry UP), I ventured into answering the other questions in the application form. It was that fateful night when I encountered that fateful question:
"Are you interested in an accelerated program leading to Medicine?"
Ever since I was in my toddler years I really wanted to become a physician someday, but since my parents brought me up with the consciousness that the family is not opulent enough to send someone to some posh medical school, my hope that someday I would study Medicine waned little by little.
In addition, my parents discerned that they could only support me in my medical studies if I entered UP College of Medicine, preferably qualifying for the Integrated Liberal Arts and Medicine Class. A sheer impossibility, that was how I dubbed the idea of passing INTARMED. It may seem that I did not have self-confidence at that time, since the pain of flunking the PSHS Competitive Examination was still reminding me how many students are more capable, more well-trained and more intelligent enough to outsmart and outlast the infamous UPCAT and make it to the top 100.
"Nah, I won’t be checking that box," with mixed feelings of pessimism and excitement I said. Excitement since I realized that I am really about to enter college, but pessimism since I then thought that even if I would check the box I would not have the chance anyway.
But my Mom was especially optimistic that night.
"Nothing bad would happen if we would check the box right? Who knows? Maybe you can grab the chance."
After pondering upon what Mom said, I checked the INTARMED box, uncertain of what was to happen but praying to God that He would be present and be at my side every step of the way.
The UPCAT was long and it was very tedious taking it. It took me five long hours answering it in its entirety, answering the questions in the best way I can. 20 days of summer review was a great help.
Then, after taking another admission test, all I did was do my best in high school and wait for the results, the future very much indeterminate for me.

When the results came, my parents and I really prayed a lot, hoping and praying that I would not only be a candidate but finally a member of Intarmed 2011. After storming heaven we achieved our end and here I am, about to enter the portals of the University of the Philippines, unsure how God will take it from here in guiding me to the way He chose for me, but optimistic that God would help me finish pre-medical and eventually medical studies, so that one day, seven years from now, the hallowed initials MD would be affixed to my humble surname.

Others said that my qualifying INTARMED was really a confirmation that I was one of a kind, others even going so far branding me a total genius. But I totally refuse being dubbed as such, always thinking that it only took a powerful, all intelligent God who never failed in guiding our family to the way He willed it to go.

And a guy who failed to enter science high schools and studied in lowly public and private schools (or as what roni_bats once said, schools from Lilliput. But otherwise, I am proud of my schools.).

Seven years is very long, but I know that with my family, friends and God beside, someday He would bestow upon me the privilege of being a physician. Besides patience, perseverance and determination, I know only of one thing that can bolster my chances of finishing medicine with flying colors: God's grace.

And I could never imagine myself without it for the next seven years and beyond.
The journey to INTARMED may have been a successful one, but, come to think of it, it’s only beginning.

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Lord God, please... help me get through this toxic semester, and please.. help me get ready for a more toxic one next sem... Through the Blessed Mother and Saint Philomena. Amen.

Nagbalik na!

2005-03-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

Opo. Summer na po. Kung ayaw niyo pong maniwala di huwag. Marahil nagugunita niyo ang aking mga pinagsasabi last month, na kesyo ang daming gagawin eh titigil na sa pagboblog. Nadiskubre kong, di ko pala kaya... I'm a blog dependent, and sadly, this dependency cannot be cured by a trip to the rehab.

Kaya ngayon pinipili ko na lang na isiping, tutal, summer na, March naman na diba? Siguro, puwedeng magbalik na.

Kaya, sa inyo pong lahat na mambabasa: welcome back to version 3.0 of the placid sojourner.

Hindi man po ako magiging consistent sa pagpost, pero, what is important is: nagbalik na. Namiss ko ito. At sisiguraduhin kong sa hell week na parating, siya ang kasalo ko.

(Biglang magtetremble... Hindi pa pala tapos ang hell... week ba? month siya eh!)

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Katatapos ko lang kanina mag-test ng Calculus. At naipakita na naman sa akin ang kahalagahan ng practice. Gayundin ang natutunan ko nang magchem kami last thursday, zoo lec last friday, natsci II (opo toffee_drives_22, may natsci kami at siya ay GEO and BIO, I don't see the logic of letting us learn bio and zoo 10 sa isang sem... pareho lang siya eh. Hindi na lang kami sana nag zoo 10 kung ganoon kasi medyo mahirap maging estudyante ni **************) last monday, at zoo lab last tuesday. Ngayon, calculus. Praise the Lord! buhay pa ako.

Pero ang nakakainis pag exam eh kapag alam mong pinag-aralan mo yung topic na lumabas sa exam tapos... ayun, nakalimutan mo on the spot! Kinareer mo pa ang pagrereview, tapos ganoon din. Nakakainis talaga diba? Pero, ewan ko. Pag ako kasi, pag nagdasal ako pag exam at nangyari yun, iniisip ko, si Lord na ang may gusto non. Malay mo diba, may mas maganda siyang plano para sa iyo?

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Naaliw ako kanina sa pagbabasa ko sa post ni kuya Jonray sa mga e niya... natutuwa lang kasi ako dahil nabanggit niya na ang mga alam niyang lingguwaheng maraming e ang salita ay Kapampangan at Ilocano... ang alam ko, mas maraming e ang Pangalatok. At hindi siya basta, basta e. "e " as in schwa. Pinatigas na e. Feeling ko pag binasa ko yung entry niya na gamit ang pagbasa ng e sa Ilocano/Pangasinan (they are different languages pero the e is pronounced the same way sa amin sa probinsya, kung pumunta ka ng Ilocos, ibang e ang kanila. the normal e.) sasaniban ako ng elepanteng character sa Mojacko na palaging nagbebenta ng mga bagaybagay kina Mojacko para makapunta sa iba't ibang planeta...

At ang nakakamiss, ang expression na "e" na sinasabi namin as counterpart ng tagalog na... "um..", at ang nakakatuwa, yung OW /ow/ as in /bough/ na vowel.

e.g. Isang bata, nadapa dahil sumuway sa utos ng nanay na maging mabagal sa paglalakad.
The Tagalog way: "Um, um, nadapa ka tuloy. Sabing maglakad nang mabagal eh."
The I/P way: "E, E, kitaEmon, naipatublak kan! Imbagak ngarudEn kanyamOWn, pabuntogEm laEng iti panagnam!"

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Apo Dios, tulongannak nga ituloy iti kinagaget ko nga ag-adal nga nalaing. Tulungannak nga maimentenar ko iti pagboblog ko bayat iti panagadal ko, ta ammok met nga maysa nga pagdalanan daytoy para mairuar ko dagiti amin nga sentimientok a maipapan iti kinarigat iti agbasa iti kolehiyo. Tulungannak Apo. Babaen kenni Santa Maria Birhen ken Santa Filomena, Amen.

Hay... Nakakapagod...

2005-02-18T16:03:00.000+08:00

Mag edit ng layout...

Ang Panibago kong Blog

2005-02-16T15:10:00.000+08:00

Magbabalik ang the placid sojourner sa summer. Sa ngayon, siya muna ay taimtim na mag-aaral. Sana ay maintindihan po ninyo ang kanyang naging desisyon. Salamat po, at welcome sa blogger version ng the placid sojourner! See you this summer!